Where is my Holiday Spirit?

"Bah!" said Scrooge. "Humbug!"

Usually by this time of the year I am happily annoying my whole family by blaring Christmas music through the speakers on my computer, planning outrageously fattening Thanksgiving desserts, shopping at all hours of the day and night for those perfect presents for everyone, dragging out the holiday decorations and covering every available surface with autumn leaves, tiny pumpkins and bunches of Indian corn. There would be the scent of cinnamon and ginger wafting from my kitchen almost continuously, snowman covered sweatshirts worn everyday (even though it's still 70* here)soups and stews bubbling away on the stove, pretty paper, ribbons and bows scattered around the house. The annual search for scissors and tape and the right size box.

Alas, this year I seem to be totally lacking in the holiday spirit. My husband brought me two new Christmas cds when he came home for R&R, and I did play them several times while he was here, and enjoyed them quite a bit, even though it wasn't even Halloween yet. Now they are buried somewhere under the mess in my desk drawer, and I have no inclination to dig them out. Thanksgiving plans have been made, after much debate which wasn't at all enjoyable, just highly frustrating. We are having chicken and dumplings. Yea! How exciting! Sigh. I've done what shopping I plan to do, everyone else gets a gift card. I HATE giving gift cards! My fall decorations consist of two miniature painted pumpkins in the kitchen window, left overs from Halloween. As soon as I get the urge for a spinach quiche, those pumpkins will become dinner instead of decorations. The only cinnamon being used in my house is what is sprinkled on the girl's toast for breakfast. The sweatshirts are still in the back of the closet. No plans for pots of soup, no one will eat them but me. I wrapped my first presents yesterday, gifts for Ray since the mailling deadlines are approaching. I managed to scrape up two rolls of Christmas paper, one of which was quite ugly, and I couldn't bring myself to care. Couldn't find the scissors so I tore the paper. Couldn't find the scotch tape so I used mailing tape. Big, big Sigh.

I miss my husband, and that is cerrtainly part of the problem, but the biggest issue is that I am just sooooo tired! Tired of dealing with these children who seem determined to push me over this thin line that I am balancing on. Tired of the fights, the disrespect, the selfishness. I do not have my normal desire to make the holidays as special as possible for them. I don't care if they enjoy them at all. Except Amber. I am trying to at least keep that smile on her face, even if it means pretending to enjoy watching a Charlie Brown Christmas special a gazillion times. But I am just going through the motions, there are no happy holiday feelings, and that bothers me quite a bit.

Oh, well, despite everything, the week wasn't a total loss. I was amused a few times. I was thankful at least once every day.

1. Winter clothes for the girls for less than $100.

2. Paige had a non selfish moment and while out shopping she bought her sister a copy of the Charlie Brown Christmas special.

3. Watching the above mentioned special...the first three times. After that it became annoying.

4. Indianapolis Colts 18 - New England Patriots 15. Too bad my husband wasn't here for me to tease.

5. Working with Jazmyne on her Christmas present for her Daddy.

6. The time change. I love the fall time change. I love that it is dark by 6:00pm.

7. Our bank very promptly resolved a couple of issues with Ray's personal account, refunding the money for both of the disputed charges.

8. Amber's happy attitude, her contagious smiles and her generosity in everything...especially in giving out hugs.

9. Even though he isn't one of my favorite people right now, my son did make me laugh several times in the last couple of days. Just being his normal, goofy self.

10. Finally found time to finish the last book in the Twilight series. I liked it very much! Now I am waiting for a book that my sister is mailing to me.

God Bless Carrie and Debby for letting me vent and whine to my heart's content. Don't know what I would do without either of them.

Praying for...

Carmelita and Ivan
Janeta
Niki, Patrick and the boys
Kelly
Mel and little Aaron
April
Kathie and her friend Brady
Rebecca and her son
Erica and her children
Susanne's Husband

My dear husband, who can't seem to keep himself out of the hospital.

Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof...Matthew 6:34